I’ve had all the anxiety lately about… Lots of stuff. I get the self critical brain weasels pretty easily. When I let myself get dragged down by all that, it gets pretty hard to feel creative or inspired about anything. Which makes it worse, because then there’s the added fear that my inner muse is just broken. I can work up a pretty paralyzing downward spiral when I get stuck on those thoughts. It’s lots of fun.
So, I was going to stay over at my boyfriend’s place just before my road trip. We had a great night and got ready for sleep. I was totally relaxed for the first time in about a week. I even slept for about an hour. Then I woke up, and my brain was clear, and all the ideas came pouring in. I knew how to fix a plot issue that had been bugging the crap out of me, and that led to a handful of other important details that I could change or fix. I started rearranging dialogue in my head, and I didn’t want to lose any of it.
Normally I would have just written on my phone until it was all down, but that phone had finally given up the ghost after some truly appalling treatment, and I hadn’t been able to replace it yet. I was pretty certain that I would lose things if I just let myself drift back off to sleep. I could stay in the warm cozy bed and take that risk, or I could wake my very tolerant boyfriend up, make my jumbled explanations and rush home to write it down. I did the latter, so it all got saved, but I felt pretty ridiculous about it.
It’s hard to take myself seriously as a writer. It feels awkward as all hell to me, but I did it, and it was fine. I feel really lucky that I’ve got people in my life who are supportive and who give me the space to be who I am and do what’s important to me. And, in the future, I’m gonna be much nicer to my phones so I don’t have to bail on super inspiring snuggles.
I got a Pixel right before leaving, so I’ve got that covered now. It’s pretty cool. It takes nice pictures, which is very important on a road trip. We’ve seen some pretty impressive stuff.